he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
FUCK WHALES
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
