dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
