My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
