I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
