Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
