We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
