Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize