video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
