I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
