i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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