it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
