Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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