dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize