Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
