I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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