You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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