I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
