i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize