She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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