it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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