I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is her dick bigger than yours?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
