Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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