That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
