My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
