I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
