Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize