Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
