Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
