I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
