Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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