Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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