Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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