Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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