what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
