I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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