the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
