white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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