Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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