I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize