Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
