well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Randomize
