you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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