I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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