Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
