the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
