Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize