carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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