Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What a dumb baby whore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
