jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
