So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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