is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
