i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
