Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
