College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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