dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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