just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
