If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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