Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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