i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
