My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
