If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
