I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude. I can hear the air.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
