Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
