Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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