if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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