So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
