She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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