Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
