i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
