I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
