just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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