smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Im part way to drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
