i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
