I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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