Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
