Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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