you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
