He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Barsexuality is the new black.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
