Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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