i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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