you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
