yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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