She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
