I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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