If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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