This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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