I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
