I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
