My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize