how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
